Burger King On The Beach In Brazil

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I'm really looking forward to my Christmas trip to Brazil. Among other things, I'll get to spend a week in Guarujá, SP which is a very nice city by the Atlantic Ocean in São Paulo state. It may not be known to tourists but it is a popular destination for Paulistas (São Paulo residents). Guarujá may qualify as heaven on earth as its largest shopping mall "La Plage" located right on the beach is home to a Burger King! Sea, Burger & Sun: The Perfect Holiday combination. Another way to put it would be: A Burger King in a shopping mall with a French name in Brazil!


Stay tuned for more (Burger) pictures when I get there! Until then, feel free to wander the streets of Guarujá on Google street view!

Forgive Me Father Ronald For I Have Sinned

For a brief moment following the gustative pleasure associated with
the Star Trek style transportation of this Bratwurst from my hands to
my stomach, I questioned my allegiance to the Almighty Burger. I have
now come to my senses though still shaken by the taste of this awesome
sausage.

May Ronald McDonald's, The King and Colonel Sanders have mercy on my soul!

A Day Trip To Germany

Yesterday, I went on a day trip to Germany in quest of the perfect sausage (as well as a Double Whopper with cheese at the closest Burger King to where I live). Well, I must say Edeka (a supermarket chain in Germany) did not disappoint me! I had originally planned to shop at the Edeka supermarket in Kehl. But my great sense of direction, car navigation system and iPhones (plurial form since I had brought along an old jailbroken iPhone 3G equipped with a prepaid German Blau sim card to serve as a MiFi router) were of no help when it came to locating this venue. I would, however, realize later on, while driving back home, that there are signs all over the road pointing to its location. It seems my excitement and low I.Q. made me oblivious to these clues at the time.

As you might have guessed, this was not going to prevent me from fulfilling my destiny so I decided to head to Offenburg where my car navigation system could locate an Edeka supermarket. Believe me, it was worth the drive! My eyes were mesmerized by the variety of sausages on display, their cheddar cheese, hot cheese dip for Doritos, hot dog buns, hamburger buns and so forth.

This is the place to shop!

And to make it an even more perfect day, I stopped at Burger King on my way home!

Raising Venture Capital For Dummies

I don't wake up everyday with a world-changing idea. It actually only happens every other day. Luckily, today is the day and as I'm in a particularly good mood, I have decided to share with you the secrets behind raising Venture Capital. Don't be scared if you have no idea what I'm talking about, rest assured that I am exactly in the same position than you. It, however, seems very important in this day and age to write and talk about it if you want to look smart (don't we all want that?). As you should know, I have absolutely no knowledge in business, finance or anything of the kind. It just struck me this morning the second I woke up: I KNOW HOW TO BECOME RICH AND I WILL SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.

Behind my strategy is one basic idea: people love postcards. Forget the fact the postcard sales have plummeted with the advent of the Internet and follow my reasoning: I'm going raise to venture capital for a startup I'm about to create (feel free to do the same, I won't sue you). To cut down costs, we will only make one postcard: a picture of a Double Whopper With Cheese. This will make our business model very easy to follow: one product, no creativity, artists etc... We just need to heavily invest in printing and distributing. When we're done, we will ship our postcards all over the world for what better way to relate to your friends than to send them a postcard of a Double Whopper With Cheese from a far-away land?

I intent, with this business plan, to convince dumb Venture Capital investors to raise US$ 100 million in my company. I haven't decided exactly at how much I will price the postcards but they will be around US$ 100 each (pleasing friends never comes cheap). If I have a billion customers (that is only 16.6666% of the world population, a rather conservative estimate) and each one of them buys at least one postcard per year, that will amount to US$ 100 billion in yearly sales which should be enough to make me a rich man!

Now you might be wondering why I posted the Burger King ad above? Well, I'll leave it to your dirty mind to understand: seven incher, blow away, girl with open mouth, meat...

The American Express Centurion "Black" Card Is For Losers

The much hyped Amex Black Card is for losers! I proudly hold the most precious card ever. It is not black, nor is it made of titanium but it allows me to be treated like royalty at the places I go the most. Whenever I flash this card, people look at me in awe and ask me how to get one. The truth is it is by invitation only. And I consider myself to be one the luckiest guys in the world!

Here is that special VIP card in all its glory:

The 10% discount Burger King Card!

Are you jealous?

Burger King Might Be Coming Back To France

Rumor has it that Burger King might be coming back to France! Their last restaurant in France had closed down in 1997. This Second Coming of the King in France might fulfill my wildest dreams!

If this were to come true, I wouldn't have to use the wormhole that I discovered many years ago. This anomaly in the fabric of the space-time continuum allows me to be at a Burger King in the USA after a 40 mn car drive from France (granted, it's weird that they don't speak English there and that everything is written down in German).

Let's all hail the King when he comes back to France!

Update: this rumor was unfortunately fake.