Twitter & The Time Machine Paradigm

As I finally managed to use the word "paradigm" in a post title, I'm sure it will be read by millions of highly intelligent people so I'm really really going to be very cautious with what comes next.

The advent of social networks and the multiplication of tweets, facebook posts, instagram pictures, tumblr entries etc. have dramatically changed the nature of the Internet by speeding up its evolution and relevance.

I tweet, you tweet, we all tweet. We leave digital artifacts of our lives at any moment and from anywhere. This, in turn, lets us interact with other people though we may never meet them in real life (IRL). There is no doubt, in my mind, that this has a profound impact on the way we relate to the world and one another.

Have you ever realized that Twitter & social networks in general constitute time machines? What better way will future digital archeologists have in order to understand the past than to go back in time by exploring its tweets? How intriguing can it be to just go back to the twitter timeline at the time of a historic event so as to cease the thoughts of the many?

Think of this in terms of "what if Napoleon had had a Twitter account?"

Artefact From The Future

Just a nice artefact brought back from my latest (or earliest?) time travel!

What Was Announced in 12 hours At The Back To The Mac Apple Event

The Internet is going crazy right now as every single tech site is trying to figure out what will be announced tonight at the Back To The Mac Apple Event. I could have, like everyone else, decided to blog live from the event in order to let the world know what is being announced but then, I figured that my site has no chance of going down due to excess overload which kinda removes the fun out of doing so. In addition, I never understood why people would go to an alternate site to hear about live events when they can watch a live broadcast of it.

Anyway, I had the greatest idea about this event! I contacted one of the Aliens that allegedly abducted me in my sleep two nights ago and thanks to the advanced knowledge of his civilization and a bit of fumbling with quantum mechanics, we went forward in time (and while at it in space as well) in order to attend the live event.

This is how, now that I'm back in my timeline, I can tell the world about was announced (past tense for me) in 12 hours:

- Fantastic and unbelievable quarter with record earnings, sales and revenues.
- Apple is the coolest brand in the world and Steve Jobs one of the coolest guys on the planet (wouldn't he wear something else than his usual pair of jeans, sneakers and black long sleeve t-shirt if he needed to assert his coolness on anything else than his achievements as the CEO of Apple Inc. ?).
- The iPhone is the greatest thing ever.
- The iPad is the coolest computer and tablet altogether.
- Apple has never sold so many Macs. Ever.
- Tonight was announced a new MacBook Air. It will come in 2 sizes: 11.6 inches & 13.3 inches. Both versions are cool. Don't bother about tech specs, just buy one of them or even better: both!
- Mac OS X 10.7 "Lion": Apple has been working on this Mac OS X implementation for 20 years (Yes 20 years!!! Can you believe it?) and they are now ready to announce it. The coolest feature: it will support touch based devices! Screen protection manufacturers worldwide rejoice: you guys are gonna sell even more film protections and now in bigger sizes just for Macs.
- New Macs may or may not have been announced (at the time Steve was talking about this, I realized my iPhone 4 had no signal... I realized this was due to my alternate self probably using his at the same time. This anomaly in the space-time continuum probably crashed my carrier (Orange France)... Sorry about that but wasn't it worth it? At least, it was to me)
- Hybrid GSM-CDMA iPhone: it was not announced in 12 hours but should be in January (at least in the timeline I was).

That's it! Don't thank me! Don't watch the live event tonight, you already know everything. You should use the saved time to work overtime in order to be able to afford the new Macbook Air, iMacs & Mac OS X Lion. You can buy it all here: Apple Store.

Disclaimer: due to the unusual way I was able to obtain the information mentioned in this post, some of it might be actually pertaining to a different timeline than yours and mine and hence might not reflect exactly what our timeline might learn tonight.

Note: For those of you who are wondering how I contacted the Alien that abducted me, the answer is a very simple one: I called them on their iPhone. Actually, the main reason why Aliens visited Earth in the first place was to obtain iPhones. They now have a saying on their planet: "We may be more advanced than humans, but we have no Steve Jobs amongst us".
Note 2: This is my 69th post! I'll let each and everyone of you decide in which way (hmmm) you want to celebrate it.
Note 3: I love notes!

How To Effectively Convince Yourself And Your Readers That You Are Smart

Writing is not easy. Many people write but only a few get to be be known or appreciated by their peers for it. In this short post, I will give the lucky reader some advice on how to become a world famous writer.

Firt of all, you should keep in mind to use lots of different, unusual and long words (like phylogenetic or ontogenetic). By doing so, you will effectively convince your readers and yourself that you are amongst the smartest people on earth. Don't hesitate to use technical terms, preferably from a very specific, obscure and uninteresting field. Though the advent of search engines make it easier for people to look up the definition of words, if you put enough tedious terms in your writing, most people will give up trying to understand them and your thoughts as a whole. They will just assume that you are very smart. Keep in mind that they might not continue to read your literature but they will certainly tell all their friends that they did and loved it. Their friends will, in turn, read or at least try to read your prolific literary production and confirm the fact that they loved it. Through this chain reaction, you will evidently become world famous and so rich that you won't have enough time in your life to eat all the cheeseburgers that your freshly made fortune will afford you to buy.

One fun thing to do is to use the same sentences and just mix up the words. It will produce the same effects and your audience will not notice your clever trick. They will just assume, once again, that your super smart brain is so super smart (makes sense, right?) that you are able to write beautiful and intelligent prose on a constant basis. It is, as a matter of fact, rumored in Area 51 that many world famous psychoanalysts traveled forward in time just to read this blog entry before heading back to their own time. How else could their success and writings be explained?

I should probably stop giving you tips right here as I wouldn't want you to become more famous than me!

Don't hesitate to thank me when you finally make it big time. Please, keep in mind that all my tips are provided free of charge and that I will not tolerate people attempting to donate money to this blog.