Sunday, October 31, 2010
I took these pictures back in December 2001 in Clermont-Ferrand, France while trying to get a good photo of the city's cathedral with my very first digital camera. At first, it really scared me as I could distinctly see a ghostly eerie face on both of these shots. After a sleepless night, I decided to call a photographer friend of mine who pointed out the obvious: "it was cold, you were blowing smoke when you took the pictures and that's what accounts for the effect". But still..........
1st picture: You can clearly see a spooky face right in the middle of the picture. Both eyes, nose and opened mouth are clearly visible.
2nd picture: You can spot two faces: one on the left side, looking to the right: eyes, nose and half of the mouth are easy to identify. On the upper right corner of the picture: there is another ghostly face with two horns.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I am growing frustrated with my iPhone virtual keyboard. Switching to a non-physical keyboard back in 2007 was a big step for me but I ended adapting to it pretty fast and actually found myself to be comfortable with it very fast. I, however, am starting to reconsider this as there are more and more viable options to the iPhone becoming available (think: Android!). I use 3 different languages and hence 3 different international keyboards on my iPhone on a daily basis and I must say that things are getting messier and messier. Although I have gone through the trouble of resetting my custom dictionaries many times, it seems that my French keyboard cannot spell "après" properly, it keeps auto-correcting it to "Apres" every time I type it. I tried many "tricks" but none solved this problem. I was even able to replicate this issue on other iPhones using a multiple international keyboard setup. In addition, I must say that the process of switching from one language to another is cumbersome to say the least. I'm really getting tired of typing something in English only to realize that I was using the Portuguese keyboard and that my first 5 words have already been auto-corrected to Portuguese.
Apple really needs to solve this problem. What they should do, in my opinion, is allow the iPhone to use multiple languages at the same time and try and figure out which one the user is using after the first or four or five words they have typed.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
After eating my diet meal last night, I decided to eat for real and go for a hot dog! I, unfortunately, quickly realized that I had neither hot dog buns nor sausages at home. In fact, the only ingredient I had was American mustard! But since necessity is the mother of all invention and I'm not the kind of guy to be bummed out by details, I had the great idea to invent a new fusion food dish. I named it: "The Great Trans Northern" as it mixes Indian bread with French sausages and American mustard. I did not have to add sauerkraut as the aforementioned sausages came from Strasbourg, a place well know for its traditional dish called "choucroute" that features sauerkraut garnished with sausages and other pork meats (makes sense, right?).
Well the result was just amazing and in my opinion, probably the most successful attempt ever at besting the tradition American hot dog! So, I suggest you all purchase a plane ticket to India with a stopover in France to gather the necessary ingredients to prepare this mouth watering fine fusion food dish. If you decide to go ahead and call an airline to book your trip, don't forget to mention the promo code "Great Trans Northern Challenge" and you'll get a 99% discount for any Virgin Galactic flight reservation.
I am very upset as watching the You Tube clip featured above made me realized that the Earth might not be flat after all. This miniature documentary actually states that we are only a few to believe the Earth is flat. I am in shock. How come nobody ever told me the Earth was round? It seems like a major scientific fact eluded me for so many years. Now that I've discovered the realm of the "Stuff They Don't Want You To Know" podcasts, I'm just gonna watch them all and bring my knowledge of everything that surrounds me to new heights! Expect Power Posts in the next few days as I'll be taking advantage of my new found expertise to become even more insightful.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I could have chosen "Monday Burger Monday"as the title of this post but decided otherwise as I'm attempting to possibly write the worst blog post ever in the entire history of the Internet and while at it, probably the worst piece of writing altogether in the history of mankind, the Universe and whatever preceded the latter.
You might be tempted to ask, provided you had the guts to comment this post and therefore risk being traced back and associated with this blog, why I would change my perfect habits and make a burger on a Monday. Well, I know I have used my readers to the Sunday burger challenge but I had good reasons to try and reach Burger Xanadu on a Monday. As a matter of fact, we are hosting friends next week-end and will probably go out for dinner next Sunday evening, hence denying ourselves from another attempt at the perfect burger. It, consequently, only seemed logical to anticipate our Sunday routine as a precaution in case anything would happen to us until the following Sunday.
I must say I was quite happy with tonight's burger. It was tasty, juicy and spicy. I used Louisiana Gold Green sauce, two beef patties, lettuce, two slices of cheese with Buffalo Mozzarella in-between the slices (an idea of a Michelin Star Chef friend of mine). This made for a perfectly melted cheese and juicy burger. It was kind of like applying the recipe for a Juicy Lucy to the cheese itself.
So, what's up with the Hammer, Stargate and possibly worst blog post ever?
Well, here it comes: while I was tasting my burger, I had this stroke of genius (well, actually quite the opposite): If I had a Stargate, I would probably use it to go the most isolated planet in the galaxy (where, of course, the entire population of the planet speaks English, just like in the TV series) and I would introduce to this unspoiled civilization the holy Burger. I would persuade them to believe that hamburgers are representations of the essence of the universe, that they should be revered to and that followers should strive to try and perfect their recipe. This amazing idea would make generations and generations work on my Sunday burger challenge. They would innovate in the field of Hamburgers (disregarding any other field such as physics, mathematics, biology, art etc... as Hamburgers unify all fields) and the result of all this would be the advent of a new Universe filled with wisdom and melted cheddar.
What about the Hammer? Well, isn't it obvious? The Hammer would be used to show the people from this faraway planet at the edge of the universe how to beat the sh*t out of a beef patty in order to make it flat and large. I would teach this people how to frantically scream, like a serial killer for his first kill, and flatten all patties ever destined to be used in a burger.
And when this whole process is over and in millions of years, Burger Xanadu is reached, I will prove Bergson wrong when he stated that the essential function of the universe was to be a machine for the making of Gods for in fact, the essential function of the universe is to be a machine for the making of Burgers.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I've just stumbled across this beautiful picture taken last August at the Delano Hotel in Miami. Its simplicity yet awesomeness struck me as a piece of art that I had to share. I like the way the melted cheese looks, its thickness is mouth-watering and the fries just look perfect alongside! Behold and enjoy!
Qwiki at TechCrunch Disrupt from Qwiki on Vimeo.
This video shows an interesting attempt at organizing the overwhelming flow of information sources that we are all confronted with nowadays. I can't wait to receive my Qwiki invite and try this service out. Watching the demo, I'd be inclined to think that Qwiki would be best put to use on a TV but I will need a hands-on experience before I can conclude! Plus, you gotta love the name of the company (no pun intended...).
Sunday, October 24, 2010
In my efforts to document my quest for the perfect burger, here is the result of today's attempt. A very good burger in my opinion though not as esthetically satisfying to the eyes as last week's. We did not have lettuce for our errands failed to be delivered to our place yesterday, so we tried to improvise and make up for the lack of this important ingredient. My burger consisted of two medium rare patties, pickles, fried bacon, onion, two slices of tomato, tarragon mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, melted cheese and Louisiana Gold Pepper Sauce. All in all, I can say it was a satisfactory dinner but will strive to make an even better burger next week!
Back in January 2008, I posted my first review of one of the best restaurants (if not the best) in Strasbourg, France. As I had the chance to eat at "Au Crocodile" once again last night, let me take this opportunity to give my readers an updated review of this fine dining restaurant.
First of all, it is to be noted that this venue does not belong to Emile Jung anymore as this renowned chef sold it to Philippe Bohrer upon retirement. Phillippe Bohrer is also a distinguished chef, known for his restaurant "A La Ville De Lyon" in the famous city of Rouffach, Alsace, home of a no-less famous Psychiatric Hospital.
As far as the setting goes, we were happily surprised by the remodeling of the place which used to look a bit out-dated. It now boasts a very cozy setting which melts classic and contemporary traits with elegance.
The food was no disappointment either as everything we had was delightful and subtle to the palate and beautiful for the eyes to behold. We chose their "Menu D'Agrément" and replaced the sweetbreads (we're unfortunately not fans of this delicacy) with a beef tenderloin. We did not have cocktails before dinner as we opted for our favorite option drinkwise: a bottle of champagne followed by a bottle of red wine. As I spotted on their wine list that the price of Dom Perignon 2000 champagne was quite reasonable (for such a bottle), we decided to splurge and went ahead and ordered a bottle. In my book, you cannot go wrong with this choice and I still stand by it. The delicate flavors of this champagne were a perfect companion for the first half of the menu.
Our gustative journey started with a chestnut veloute:
followed by lobster:
It was, at this point, time to order red wine and we opted for a bottle of Chateau Beaucastel 2005, a Chateauneuf-du-pape from the French Rhone valley. This choice made us enjoy even more the following beef tenderloin:
and finally desserts:
Au Crocodile Restaurant gained a Michelin star in March as they had to start from scratch after the property changed owner. Remember that the maximum Michelin (the famous fine food red guide) stars a restaurant can get in France is 3 and there aren't many of them. Having 3 Michelin Stars is the holy grail of gastronomy in France. Au Crocodile used to have 3. I believe that what we experienced last night deserves no less than 2!
If you're in Strasbourg and want to try Fine Dining in France, it's a no brainer, just make a reservation there!
Wired Magazine features a very nice article about ThinkGeek in their September 2010 issue. This famous online store sells all kind of products that only geeks might be interested. They grew into a multi-million dollar company as the number of geeks skyrocketed in the past 10 years! Check out their t-shirts and accessories! They also love to advertise non-existent products from time to time (check out the Unicorn Meat above).
If you're looking for a promo code here, there's none as I'm not affiliated in any way with them. This post just reflects what I like (eventhough you might find my taste pitiful).
ZDoggMD was kind enough to leave a comment on my previous post yesterday and this is how I discovered his blog and videos! ZDoggMD and Dr. Harry rule! I dig their sense of humor! Watch their videos on youtube and read their blog! This is an order! Yes, I'm talking to YOU. You shall click right here.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
In my constant quest to reach Absurdity Nirvana, I had this vision of a world where psychotherapists would be rappers. Wouldn't it be great?
Imagine if you were to go see a shrink and they were dressed like Snoop Doggy Dog with a huge pimp rapper bling dollar sign chain around their neck, wearing basketball apparel and a hat. Wouldn't it be cool if during a psychotherapy session instead of saying "I understand you feel anger toward your mom", they were to say "Yo G., your mom was a bi-atch"?
Another example: "It sounds like you have unresolved issues with your father" would translate into: "Yo, crank it, smoke that MFer".
Best of all, would be to spot your shrink on a week-end driving his hummer, blasting the whole neighborhood with Snoop Doggy Dog's music and shouting "Yo Freud iz in da houz".
Food for absurd thoughts, right?
Friday, October 22, 2010
The reader can only deduct that this Seduction Engine indeed is the best invention ever! The wheel just seems like a gadget compared to it.
Once again, no need to thank me for solving one of humanity's impending disasters. Donations are out of the question.
Disclaimer: this post is in no way sponsored by babelwithme as it is obvious that any brand mentioned in this blog is likely to lose a great deal of credibility.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
As you might have figured, I'm a bit of a geek and if there is one field of computing that my friends agree I'm knowledgeable about it is data synchronization. Until we see the day where cloud storage becomes mainstream and total (by that I mean literally running a virtual machine in the clouds with not even on OS on the local host), we will have to deal with fragmented services. As a matter of fact, if you want to back-up your data online or synchronize it among different computers, you will need to use different services. Having synced data across multiple computers and phones for years, I consider myself quite proficient (with my usual modesty) in this field. So, here is what I would suggest for anyone that would like to keep multiple devices in sync:
- For Contacts, Calendar, Notes & Tasks: In my experience and as much as I hate to admit it, nothing beats Microsoft Exchange. There are great companies that offer hosted Exchange services for a small fee. I've been using 123Together.com for the past 3 years and have been very happy with them. For less than US$ 15 per month, I get a great service and I don't have to deal with the expenses and maintenance costs of having my own Exchange server installed on a local computer.
Thanks to 123Together, I can keep all my contacts, Calendar, Notes & Tasks in sync across 3 macs, one PC, one iPad (soon 2) and all my iPhones. Their monthly service also includes an Outlook 2007 license. As for macs, iPads and iPhones, they're natively compatible with Exchange 2007. If you would like to sync your Notes and Tasks on your iPhone as well, I recommend the IMExchange app that works like a charm (Notes & Tasks aren't supported natively on iOS devices).
I have tried different solutions in the past but none work as well as Microsoft Exchange. MobileMe is unreliable at best, tethered syncing from one device to another sucks big time. Gmail offers the ability to push sync contacts, calendars & emails natively to your iPhone but it won't support desktop syncing (unless you get a premium account).
- For syncing files and data backup: Besides making frequent backups of my computers on external hard drives, I also use an online backup service. My service of choice is SugarSync. Not only does it allow me to backup all my data online, it also lets me sync folders across multiple computers. A pure blessing when using multiple computers! I can save a file in a synced folder on my iMac at work and when I get home in the evening it will be sitting in the same folder on my home PC. SugarSync also released an iPhone and Android app which lets you access all of you synced data from your phone and view or send it from anywhere. In case of a fire at your home, all your important files will still be available and retrievable on their servers!
Dropbox offers a similar service but is a lot less flexible when it comes to syncing multiple folders or different sets of folders from one computer to another.
If you have further questions, don't hesitate to drop it in the comments, I'll be more than happy to help!
I really dig Alan Siegel's presentation. Our world is getting more and more complex by the second and its increased complexity unrelentlessly (don't you love solecism?) leads to even more exponential complexity (don't you love alliterations?). I believe that we are very close to a point where bureaucracy will be the only level of complexity left. It will have devoured all other forms of human thinking and action by implementing procedures for everything and even procedures themselves. We will all spend our days filling in forms or spreadsheets to accurately assess our ability and skills at filling in forms or spreadsheets to document the exactitude of the forms or spreadsheets we last filled in etc...
Unless we listen to people like Alan Siegel and seriously consider the necessity of creating a Department Of Simplification, I predict that our whole world will go down in OCD mayhem. We, now more than ever, need to acknowledge that there is a compromise to be found between absolute chaos and absolute perfection (or at least perfection of documentation).
It seems that I have more to say than what I wrote yesterday about the French and their passion for strike action. I am appalled to see that so many French have the audacity to go on strike and hijack their country while so many of their fellow citizens are just striving to keep their jobs or live in the dread of losing it. How does that sound for "fraternité"? How can you throw in the face of someone that has just lost their job the fact that you're lucky enough to still have one but that you're not willing to go do it? Don't you feel at least a tiny bit of compassion? Don't you realize how egoistic and narcissistic you are?
Democracy works in the sense that a government is elected by a majority of voters and is then in charge of a country until the next election. In most developed countries, elected governments usually win by a very small margin (like 51/49). So, what would happen if all the defeated voters were to go on the streets and paralyze a country? Well, it would be almost like what's happening right now in France. By disavowing (the definition of perversion) the rules of democracy, the perversion of a minority is translating for the world into the perversion of a country. The world, indeed, thinks that all the French are alike, perverted to their core, incapable of sustaining frustration and just thinking that they are more intelligent or should be granted more privileges just because they were born in France. This is not democracy, I call it idiocracy!
The French are known for their tendency to criticize the US. Anyone will tell you: "Well the Americans, you know, they don't know much about what's going on outside of their country. They think we don't have electricity or computers in France, they don't know the name of our President". Well, my wife happens to be Brazilian and believe me, she got the same kind of questions from French people when she arrived in France: "Do you guys have electricity in Brazil? do you have cars? Do you own a computer? Is it true you go to work dancing almost naked in the streets?". Ask a French to name the president of Poland, Hungary, Romania etc... Most won't be able to. And yet, they know so much more about the world than Americans, right?
In my book, I can understand why not all Americans are interested about the outside world, they live in a huge country that is the richest of all. Why would a layperson care about the world? But come on, French people? Can you seriously believe that you as a people are better or greater than the greatest nation on Earth? In my opinion, you are just jealous and too lazy to do anything in order to change things. And your passion for strike action certainly isn't going to help in that regard.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
What is it with this attitude of going on strike whenever something is about to change in your country? Enough already! Wake the fuck up (Excuse my French)!
The world is going through economic hard times. Every single country is striving to recover from the global financial crisis. France is no exception. Although it's hard for everyone, the truth is that, there comes a time when we all have to make efforts. Why should France and French people be an exception? How can they think that their country will survive without taking into account the realities of our modern world?
French people: wake up! The world is laughing at your country. It is now more known in the world for its passion for strike action than anything else. When foreigners think about France, they don't picture the Eiffel Tower or a nice café in Paris, they just think "a bunch of privileged and lazy people that are demonstrating in the streets 365 days a year". Unfortunately, I must admit that this stereotype has become reality.
People of France: you live in a country that used to be great and influent. It is now a very small, tiny and insignificant country both geographically and economically. The world doesn't give a damn about your domestic politics. Only the French continue to think that France is a great country. They have managed to alienate the world. Unless French citizens stop being full of themselves and acting like spoiled children, their country is bound to become even less significant than it already is. In fact, most developed countries are implementing pension reforms, increasing retirement age for everyone. Why would it be any different in France? How do the French think that their government is going to pay for their pensions? Use magic? The fact that the government is considering such an increase is actually a sign that citizens are living longer and healthier. This is something that people should be happy about. How can they think that the country will be able to finance pensions, health care and everything else if no one is working?
LIFE IS HARD. YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR WHAT YOU GET. STOP THE NONSENSE. IF YOU WANT YOUR COUNTRY TO BE GREAT AGAIN THEN EARN IT!
As a highly intelligent (at least we like to think so) animal, we were granted the ability to be self-conscious. Such a gift can also be considered a curse as it can plunge us into the abyssal anxiety of death. We all are aware that it will happen to us one day, we all witness it around us and yet, we tend to discard any thought related to that metaphysical question.
Some of us find answers in religion, some think they do in science and some of us just accept it as a non-negotiable reality. The fact and the matter is that we all dread that last moment when our final breath comes and we leave our earthly existence to embark on a journey to the unknown. Clearly, living with that thought in our mind on a constant basis wouldn't be bearable and we might, ironically (if one can find irony in this), kill ourselves to avoid the thought of our own death. It seems odd and terrifying to me that the answer to this question that Evolution came up with was to give us the ability to be stupid and make it possible for us to forget about the most important question of all for 99.9% of our existence.
So, we go through our lives from one relatively pointless goal to another, without trying to figure out the big picture, blindfolding ourselves from our own insignificance and effectively denying ourselves the right to question the purpose of life or the anguish of death.
So my advice to you: embrace your stupid side and enjoy all these insignificant moments as they are part of the human condition.
The Internet is going crazy right now as every single tech site is trying to figure out what will be announced tonight at the Back To The Mac Apple Event. I could have, like everyone else, decided to blog live from the event in order to let the world know what is being announced but then, I figured that my site has no chance of going down due to excess overload which kinda removes the fun out of doing so. In addition, I never understood why people would go to an alternate site to hear about live events when they can watch a live broadcast of it.
Anyway, I had the greatest idea about this event! I contacted one of the Aliens that allegedly abducted me in my sleep two nights ago and thanks to the advanced knowledge of his civilization and a bit of fumbling with quantum mechanics, we went forward in time (and while at it in space as well) in order to attend the live event.
This is how, now that I'm back in my timeline, I can tell the world about was announced (past tense for me) in 12 hours:
- Fantastic and unbelievable quarter with record earnings, sales and revenues.
- Apple is the coolest brand in the world and Steve Jobs one of the coolest guys on the planet (wouldn't he wear something else than his usual pair of jeans, sneakers and black long sleeve t-shirt if he needed to assert his coolness on anything else than his achievements as the CEO of Apple Inc. ?).
- The iPhone is the greatest thing ever.
- The iPad is the coolest computer and tablet altogether.
- Apple has never sold so many Macs. Ever.
- Tonight was announced a new MacBook Air. It will come in 2 sizes: 11.6 inches & 13.3 inches. Both versions are cool. Don't bother about tech specs, just buy one of them or even better: both!
- Mac OS X 10.7 "Lion": Apple has been working on this Mac OS X implementation for 20 years (Yes 20 years!!! Can you believe it?) and they are now ready to announce it. The coolest feature: it will support touch based devices! Screen protection manufacturers worldwide rejoice: you guys are gonna sell even more film protections and now in bigger sizes just for Macs.
- New Macs may or may not have been announced (at the time Steve was talking about this, I realized my iPhone 4 had no signal... I realized this was due to my alternate self probably using his at the same time. This anomaly in the space-time continuum probably crashed my carrier (Orange France)... Sorry about that but wasn't it worth it? At least, it was to me)
- Hybrid GSM-CDMA iPhone: it was not announced in 12 hours but should be in January (at least in the timeline I was).
That's it! Don't thank me! Don't watch the live event tonight, you already know everything. You should use the saved time to work overtime in order to be able to afford the new Macbook Air, iMacs & Mac OS X Lion. You can buy it all here: Apple Store.
Disclaimer: due to the unusual way I was able to obtain the information mentioned in this post, some of it might be actually pertaining to a different timeline than yours and mine and hence might not reflect exactly what our timeline might learn tonight.
Note: For those of you who are wondering how I contacted the Alien that abducted me, the answer is a very simple one: I called them on their iPhone. Actually, the main reason why Aliens visited Earth in the first place was to obtain iPhones. They now have a saying on their planet: "We may be more advanced than humans, but we have no Steve Jobs amongst us".
Note 2: This is my 69th post! I'll let each and everyone of you decide in which way (hmmm) you want to celebrate it.
Note 3: I love notes!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
One of the worst feelings that one can experience is grief. Mourning the loss of a loved one or of an ability is a painful process that, unfortunately, most human beings have to go through at one point or another in their life.
An easy way to avoid this is to become a geek and heavily involve yourself in all matters related to computers, technologies and the Internet in general. By looking forward to the next gadget release, you will lose touch with reality, become oblivious to your surroundings and effectively early-adopt the next gizmo on the very first day it becomes available. You will then throw away the tool it replaced without feeling the least bit of sadness. This whole process will enable you to become Superhuman and never have to experience grief ever again for your entire life will only be about gadgets.
Don't thank me for this awesome tip. It is provided as a courtesy of my benevolent personality. And remember that donating money to this blog is heavily discouraged and not welcome at all. In fact, if you try send me money, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger (specially if you attempt to poison and destroy my brothers).
Note: This tip does not apply to the mourning of the Wicked since "No one mourns the Wicked".
All Foursquare, Gowalla, Whrrl, Yelp, Plyce etc... players out there, I invite you to start a new trend: create spots of long-gone places in your city. You will help other users travel through time and experience Augmented & Time-Warped check-ins when they see these long-gone spots pop up in the list of places that they can check in. They will look around them and smile, thinking about those long-forgotten places.
Just a simple thing to do to remember the past and how folks used to live before smartphones, all thanks to the use of smartphones themselves!
If living the life seems like a dream to you and you think you'll never be able to be successful enough in order to achieve it then focus on something even better: The Life 2.0. Luckily, you happen to be reading this post where I intend to give out a few tips on how to live the Grand Life 2.0!
First of all, you should realize that living the old-fashioned way, as opposed to the digital Life 2.0, is out-dated. None of your geek friends will find you cool if you continue to avoid new technologies and stubbornly claim that they are useless. Embrace your digital self and try to excel at your new life. Everybody around you will end up copying you (or unfriending you).
Here are the few apps and habits that you should focus on mastering in each aspect of your life:
1) Music: Don't listen to CDs anymore! Use Spotify, Pandora or Deezer. They're music streaming services that, for a limited monthly fee, allow you to listen to almost all music. Don't own your music. It's too old-fashioned, rent and stream it. When you're invited to a private party, replace the DJ's iPhone with yours and play hip hop when everybody wants to listen to techno music. They will love it (or might get yourself kicked out of that party).
2) Letting your friends know where you are: Don't call your friends to let them know where you are or enquire about their location. Check-in using Foursquare, Gowalla, Whrrl, Yelp, Plyce, Brightkite, Twitter AND Facebook. This will allow you to never be bored ever again as you will use most of your time to check-in from places to places on your Smartphone. Try to take pictures while you're at it. None of your friends will find them interesting but it will make you lose a lot more time. Moreover, strangers may like your pictures more than your friends and in turn, you will broaden your horizons by getting to know many perverts whose path you would never have crossed otherwise. Always keep in mind that there is no such thing as a check-in to be ashamed of (think toilets, bedroom, seat 45E on a plane).
3) Letting your friends know what you eat and drink: Use the aforementioned social networks to accurately document everything that will go through your intestines and bladder. You will manage to alienate a lot more friends who will be horrified by your lack of concern for your own health.
4) Use cloud storage services: I'm not talking about parking your private jet in the clouds but rather about keeping a copy of your precious files in the clouds in case anything would happen to your computers or home. Great services like SugarSync or Dropbox let you save all your digital data online and synchronize it across multiple computers. Your friends' jaws will drop when you show them that you can access all your files from your smartphone, explaining: "This is panmnesia, I can access all my data and knowledge anywhere, anytime. Isn't it cool???". They will literally think: "that guy suffers from OCD, let's avoid him".
5) Movies: The Holy Grail of Entertainment! Get rid of your cable provider. How could you have time to watch anything on TV since you're constantly using Foursquare? If you happen to be dying to watch a specific movie or series, rent them on iTunes and watch them on your iPad in the toilets. It's probably the calmest place on Earth. Make sure you document having watched this movie on Miso and your location at the time on Foursquare.
6) Books: Buy a Kindle to show off, install the Kindle app on your iPad or use iBooks. Anyway, this is just to show off. Who has time to read nowadays? I don't... I never did either... Ok, so this might be due to the fact that I'm lazy. It might indeed have nothing to do with the digital revolution. I dread the birth of a social network like Miso dedicated to books. Everyone will know I'm not as smart as I try to make everyone think I am.
7) If you're into onanism, try Chatroulette!
And if you know BASIC:
8 GO TO 1
Monday, October 18, 2010
I had the greatest idea of all ideas last night as I decided to watch The Fourth Kind, a horror movie about alien abductions. What better way to find sleep on a Sunday evening than to be thinking about alien abductions? Evidently, I had one of the best nights of sleep ever and I would advise anyone to watch this movie alone in the dark at night. Although it is supposed to depict real events that occurred in Nome, AK in 2000, I find it far-fetched and hard to believe. Main character, psychologist Dr. Abigail Tyler, was supposedly abducted by aliens in her sleep. Doesn't this sentence say it all? In my dictionary, being abducted in one's sleep equals to dreaming of being abducted. In addition, the main proof of alien abductions is given through Recovered Memory Therapy, a practice known to be non-scientific and unreliable. The most dramatic and scary scene is that rumored abductees speak Sumerian under hypnosis and trance. Well, Dr. Tyler has books about Sumerian on her desk. So it does not surprise me at all that her unconscious mind is familiar with some of its vocabulary.
In summary, although I dreamt last night that I was being abducted by aliens, I doubt aliens would go through the trouble of abducting earthlings just to drill through their skins and poke them. Unless, they invented a sport whose purpose is to drill as many holes as one can in an earthling, it would just seem like an awful waste of time and resources on their part. And seriously, if aliens have already visited Earth, how come they never left any comment on my blog? I check my stats regularly and Google does not mention any connection from outer space. Wouldn't intelligent lifeforms from outer space at least try to friend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter? The fact that they haven't done so yet makes it clear to me that they're either using AT&T or haven't visited earth yet.
Note: Once again, Hollywood shows that shrinks should not be taken seriously as most of them are mentally ill in the first place. It's such a classic that everytime I see a shrink in a movie, I can safely bet he or she is the bad guy!
Note 2: All the original documentary footage featured in this film was shot by the filmmakers. The whole movie is, of course, a clever hoax.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
In my ongoing Sunday challenge to achieve Burger Nirvana, I am 100% sure (though still in doubt) that I took the best Hamburger pictures ever today! I, of course, decided to post them on my blog right away in order to share them with the world. Indeed, what better way to start off a new week than by having burger dreams the night before? So, here are the pictures for you to behold and have wet dreams (I'm referring to drooling)!
Unfortunately, my attempt at Burger Xanadu only completed one of my goals: form. Sadly, content was not on par with the way the burgers looked today. A classic tale of form vs. content! However, If I manage, next week, to combine last week's burger taste with this week's appearance, I believe that I will have reached Burger Heaven and through this compassionate act, bliss will be spread amongst all human beings as Rupert Sheldrake accurately predicted in his Morphic Resonance Theory. For those of you not yet familiar with this very popular, yet totally unknown and controversial, theory, it suggests, as Douglas Rushkoff presented it in his hard-to-be-taken-seriously book Cyberia, that acquired competence in one individual of a species can be passed on to all other individuals of the same species through a Morphogenetic Field Of Consciousness! For better understanding of this theory, do not confuse the words consciousness and couscousness (the latter referring to a mental state reached after having eaten way too much North African food).
Hashtags are unbelievably practical. I never use them to search for information on any social network but I do think that they are the virtual proof of the existence of a Higher Power in the universe. When Bergson wrote about the ultimate function of the universe as a machine for the making of gods, he probably envisioned the future and the birth of hashtags. So, now that our universe is fulfilled thanks to the proliferation of hashtags, we could ask ourselves the "what's next" anxiety-filled question?
Luckily, you're reading my blog and I have the answer! The true essence and purpose of all matter in the universe is to transcend hashtags and bring them to a new plane of virtual usefulness. As I am a pioneer in the field of Universe Understanding, I have been using this new kind of hashtag for a while. I named it the #Daaaaaaaaa hashtag. It has no meaning nor purpose and can therefore be added to anything and everything #Daaaaaaaaa (that was just an example #Daaaaaaaaa). The beauty in this hashtag is that you can artistically change the number of As in it in order to differentiate its non-meaning from another #Daaaaaaaaaaaaaa hashtag!
Please feel free and obliged to use it from now on and until the end of time in everything you write #Daaaaaaaaaaaaa. You also have my blessing to manually add it to every sentence in all books or magazines you might stumble across #Daaaaaaaaaaaaa
Steve J., Cupertino, CA: "The #Daaaaaaaa hashtag is the new period #Daaaaaaaaaa I can’t think of a better way to end a sentence than with a #Daaaaaaaa It drives me nuts to realize that I’m not the one that thought of this first #Daaaaaaaaaa I have hired thousands of engineers to work on an i#Daaaaaaaaa device #Daaaaaaaaaaa"
Writing is not easy. Many people write but only a few get to be be known or appreciated by their peers for it. In this short post, I will give the lucky reader some advice on how to become a world famous writer.
Firt of all, you should keep in mind to use lots of different, unusual and long words (like phylogenetic or ontogenetic). By doing so, you will effectively convince your readers and yourself that you are amongst the smartest people on earth. Don't hesitate to use technical terms, preferably from a very specific, obscure and uninteresting field. Though the advent of search engines make it easier for people to look up the definition of words, if you put enough tedious terms in your writing, most people will give up trying to understand them and your thoughts as a whole. They will just assume that you are very smart. Keep in mind that they might not continue to read your literature but they will certainly tell all their friends that they did and loved it. Their friends will, in turn, read or at least try to read your prolific literary production and confirm the fact that they loved it. Through this chain reaction, you will evidently become world famous and so rich that you won't have enough time in your life to eat all the cheeseburgers that your freshly made fortune will afford you to buy.
One fun thing to do is to use the same sentences and just mix up the words. It will produce the same effects and your audience will not notice your clever trick. They will just assume, once again, that your super smart brain is so super smart (makes sense, right?) that you are able to write beautiful and intelligent prose on a constant basis. It is, as a matter of fact, rumored in Area 51 that many world famous psychoanalysts traveled forward in time just to read this blog entry before heading back to their own time. How else could their success and writings be explained?
I should probably stop giving you tips right here as I wouldn't want you to become more famous than me!
Don't hesitate to thank me when you finally make it big time. Please, keep in mind that all my tips are provided free of charge and that I will not tolerate people attempting to donate money to this blog.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
As members of a biological species, we are all made of organs, cells, molecules and atoms. The specificity of biological species is that they reproduce and are in constant re-arrangement of the matter that they are made of. Every second, millions of cells in our body die and are replaced by brand new ones that are made of reprocessed biological material. This never-ending (at the phylogenetic level) recycling machinery has been at work for at least 3.5 billion years on our planet.
Being in this constant re-arrangement state and spreading our molecules around us seem to have given birth to our ontogenetic desire to leave traces of our existence after our death. One could consider that artistic expression, literature, accomplishments in sports etc... are no more than a mere unconscious attempt at fulfilling our phylogenetic programming at the ontogenetic level.
Recent advances in technologies have had a profound impact on this aforementioned process. We are now all leaving traces of our existence everywhere. This is not restricted to the Elite anymore. And the most fascinating aspect of this phenomenon is that the traces we leave are not only non-biological (we don't spread dead cells around us) or static (when it comes to writing on paper in the attempt to reach literature fame), they are capable of self-reproduction. As a matter of fact, all the tweets we send are instantaneously sent to thousands of computers, stored locally or just passed on to another computer. They continue to exist on hard drives after they have disappeared from the user searchable information. Consequently, all the information that originates from us is transcended to a silicon plane of existence where it will continue a life of its own. We have to be aware that our pictures, videos, texts end up in the primordial silicon soup that is the Internet. I see in this realization a very close parallel to the primordial soup that was once the cradle of life on Earth. Could it be at the origin of a new type of life or for that matter intelligent life? Could it be at origin of a digital double of each and everyone of us?
I can't wait for my digital double to taste a digital hamburger!
This is one my favorite TEDTalks! The way these people dance is just out-of-this-worldish. They give us the eerie impression that they are able to manipulate matter, energy and time through their flawless skills. This probably is the exact opposite of Theoretical Physics but it gives us a deep understanding of how first-hand experience can be misleading. Nobody would indeed think that what is presented here is actually possible to achieve and yet, the proof is right there in front of our eyes! Enjoy it!
As I recently visited the beautiful, though medieval with a touch of 1960s ugly architecture, city of Strasbourg, I couldn't help myself thinking of what President JFK might have said, had he visited Alsace instead of Berlin in 1963.
His famous words "Ich Bin Ein Berliner" which literally translate in German as "I am a jelly-filled doughnut" could have been in French: "Je suis une saucisse de Strasbourg" (I am a Strasbourger sausage). I believe my ever-growing French audience might find that amusing.
Evidently, I cannot end this post without making a reference to numbers as my thoughts for JFK are, I believe, no coincidence. I was born on the exact same day that JFK was shot in Dallas (Granted I'm talking about the exact same day in a different year) which probably makes me the only person in the entire universe to share this in common with him. Last but not least, the last 6 digits of my phone number in Neverland correspond to the date of his death. Are you superstitious?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Today I received in the mail a special invitation from "The Economist" newspaper. It said that I could receive 4 issues for free and then decide if I wanted to subscribe or not. Since I have no knowledge whatsoever in this field, nor am I the least bit interested in it (as I'd rather spend my free time dreaming up new hamburgers), I thought it was a divine sign and that by touching the envelope this invitation came in, I would absorb all knowledge related to economy through osmosis. That being said, I am now in a position to analyse with the utmost subtlety our world and its economy.
First of all, let me state that I am a true believer in the virtues of Capitalism as it is probably the most suited economical system ever invented to this date. Its strength lies in the fact that it is compatible with human nature. Contrary to what great minds and philosophers (who, by the way, never had the guts to venture in the hamburger literature) would like to think, human beings aren't benevolent by nature. They tend to be greedy, selfish and most of all short-sighted. I read Karl Marx (and loved his cousins' movies) and I do think that his theories sound great but they are, in no way, compatible with human nature. Just look at what happened in most communist countries up to now. They have all failed and ended up being eaten up by corruption and laziness (one striking example of this is China... Or not). So, Capitalism in the sense that one will earn according to his efforts works well with us humans. It gives us something to look forward to, a justification for our efforts (just like me writing this blog that no one will ever read).
Unfortunately, it seems to me, that we're about to reach the limits of our capitalistic system. When workers are laid off not because their company is going through hard times but just because their CEO thinks that the shareholders will be happier if the company becomes even more profitable than it already is, the system favors laziness and does not reward hard work. How can you expect to make money by not doing anything? How cool a job is it to be a shareholder? How can we justify letting go of hard working people when lazy people will make money out of it? To me, this is exactly why our system is bound to fail.
So what could we do about it?
Well one idea would be to have every single person on this earth drink Vodka Martinis. This will probably alleviate the burden of knowing that our world is coming to an end.
Another answer would be to try and think of a different or better world order. Why not choose our leaders based on their skills (through a national exam for instance) and not their looks or the promises that they will make and not keep? For this to be possible, we would need to build a system where education is free and everyone gets a chance at excelling through hard work. Wouldn't it make more sense to put the most skilled people at the head of our states? Funny enough, this idea does not sound crazy to me. How about you?
Click on "comment" below and win a chance to become the next Secretary General of the United Nations.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Having never read anything about marketing but being the successful author of my blog for almost two weeks, I have decided to declare myself proficient in all matters directly or remotely linked to building an online brand through the extensive use of social networks. Since some of the posts featured in this blog have been read by more than two people (that is at least one other person than myself), I can safely assume that I am on the way (if not yet there) to become a worldwide success(h) (think Tony Montana in Scarface).
Anyway, let me tell you about my experience and what you should do in order to Deconstruct Your Brand and Lower Your Income online:
1) Choose an easy recognizable brand or name for your blog (no more than 2 words with the absolute rule of not using commas or the same word four times in your title). Just look at my blog title and you'll have a perfect example of what was just mentioned.
2) Use your Facebook friends and Twitter followers (if you have any) to increase your blog audience and alienate your friends and followers. This will result in a dramatic loss of Twitter followers and clearly lower your amount of dinner invitations.
3) Maintain a structure: be consistent in what you do. If your aim is to write about various topics that have nothing in common then go ahead and do so! This will get your readers to be bored after one post (in case they stumbled across your blog by accident on a search engine) and they will never come back to your blog.
4) Spend a lot of time writing your blog. This will prevent you from doing anything constructive in your life, like looking after your children, pleasing your spouse or increasing your productivity at your real job. By doing so, you will ensure that no one will ever consider you for a promotion and that your social life will be miserable, hence leaving you with only one option and that is to post even more on your blog.
5) Keep in mind that although some people have made a lot of money online, your chances to make it big time are close to zero and you'd probably be better off playing the lottery.
6) Write in a foreign language to make sure most of your friends won't be interested in reading your blog. In addition, your lack of skills will show in your poor grammar and vocabulary making your style unbearable and your content insipid, therefore annoying any potential reader.
If you have followed all these rules, I am sure you are the third reader of this blog and you should feel free to leave a comment. If you are a man, there is an extra benefit that I forgot to mention: it is that all the stress caused by posting on your blog will lead to an excess release of Cortisol in your bloodstream. This will result, through a complex feedback loop, in a decreased release of Testosterone and should as a consequence shrink your penis of at least one inch (I have experienced this myself).
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Here is that special VIP card in all its glory:
The 10% discount Burger King Card!
Are you jealous?
My passion for food isn't limited to hamburgers! I also love Italian food. For most people, Italian food and pizzas might be synonym. But there is a lot more to Italian food than pizzas! As a matter of fact, I recently sampled some delicious meatballs and sausages (pictured above) at Tony's Di Napoli in New York - Times Square. The way I like to eat them is to shave off all the tomato sauce of the sausages (wieners) and meatballs, then add an onion with my fork and a tiny little bit of the aforementioned sauce before eating them! Believe me, the best way to enjoy them is to shave the tomato sauce off!
Rumor has it that Burger King might be coming back to France! Their last restaurant in France had closed down in 1997. This Second Coming of the King in France might fulfill my wildest dreams!
If this were to come true, I wouldn't have to use the wormhole that I discovered many years ago. This anomaly in the fabric of the space-time continuum allows me to be at a Burger King in the USA after a 40 mn car drive from France (granted, it's weird that they don't speak English there and that everything is written down in German).
Let's all hail the King when he comes back to France!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
As disappointing as this may sound to the reader, this post is not about oral sex but rather surprisingly about food (another form of oral pleasure). Has it ever occurred to you that most pleasurable food or dishes are usually not good for your health? Whether it is cholesterol-filled tasty sauce or rich nutrients, experiencing fine food at its climax is usually associated with the intrinsic notion of putting our health in a transient state of jeopardy. Refusing to acknowledge this fact can result in an increased risk of cardiovascular or metabolic diseases and hence premature death.
This leads to a rather profound question. Is our world or universe structured in a way that pleasure has to be linked with guilt or danger? Or do we, as human beings, find pleasure in risky behaviors? Should we see in this realization the essence of God or merely the perverted nature of our condition struggling to disavow the castration perpetuated by religion or education? Do we have to sin to experience transient happiness followed by prolonged guilt? Or was our universe so ill-conceived that most good things are bad for us?
I am surprised to see that the concept of Food Perversion is not widely accepted for it is a growing concern for health authorities worldwide. Originating in the structural disavowal of health and nutrition concepts, people suffering from this condition (referred to food perverts in this post) are unable to experience satisfactory gustative pleasure in the absence of their fetish. The most common fetish associated with food perversion is hamburger or melted cheddar cheese. Food perverts will typically only eat meals consisting of hamburgers or anything associated with a melted cheddar cheese sauce. They need to be treated because their condition is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular and metabolic complications. So let's all raise our voices for food perversion awareness!